Chicken McNasty

I have been off work for two days with this mysterious illness and have had one blogworthy incident in the entire time. My friends let me tell you a little story.

Once upon time there was a man left home alone while suffering from a deadly mysterious illness. I, Captain Awesome, will be the first to admit that there are times that I develop what is known as a man cold. This time, however, the illness is different. Very different. I am actually sick. After spending several hours online yesterday morning, I decided it was time to break down and go purchase myself some Tylenol since I was out.

In the middle of nowhere, which is where I live, we have few choices on where we can go to buy things without driving a great distance. I chose to keep my trip short and visit the local Dollar General. I have to admit I harbor a hidden love for the Dollar General. It always seemed like everything in the store was cheap and I love cheap (obviously when you look at the cheap whore who mothered the Princess and the Joker). I go into the Dollar General and walk over to the medicine section. Much to my surprise, they are completely out of generic Tylenol. I’m no medicine snob and always buy the generic kind. They had regular Tylenol so I left with a box. It only cost me $6.50. Then I had to buy a new toothbrush because the doctor told me I needed to replace mine to prevent from reinfecting myself with the illness again. I thought it was a rather smart idea even though I had heard it a million times I had never actually done it. By the time I made a couple of other purchases I had spent $20 in the Dollar General store. I have decided that the Dollar General is not the place to go in hopes to save money.

Leaving the Dollar General I caught a glimpse of the golden arches sparkling in the sunlight from across the street.

The little devils were saying to me, “C’mon Captain Awesome you know you want to! Mrs. Awesome won’t even have to know about the greasiness you ingest.” To be honest with you, that’s all they had to say to me for me to wind up in the drive thru. Impulsiveness is one of this superhero’s weaknesses. Grease is the other.

I had already determined what I wanted to order long before I made it to the window. And it wasn’t the double filet o’ fish value meal suggested by the lady taking my order or that singing fish from TV. I had chosen to go with the Chicken McNugget value meal. I paid the lady and pulled up to the next window. They handed my food right out. I checked the order and everything seemed to be correct, so I headed back to my house.

I got home and sat down at the kitchen table after getting my dog a paper plate and a knife to cut up a couple of nuggets for him. I pulled out the French fries and they looked far from appetizing. They weren't that golden brown color of good French fries. They look as though they haven’t been cooked at all. Then I decided to eat one. Huge mistake. It left this nasty feeling in my mouth and was ice cold. I suspect they poured them straight from the freezer into my fry container maybe not, but close enough. I threw those directly in the garbage.

Then I open my wonderful McNuggets. I’m like a five year old when it comes to a McNuggets, I love them more than my first born. Looking at my McNuggets was one of the most disappointing experiences in my 25 years. You see, they were burnt and while I could handle a burnt French fry burnt nuggets are another story. I don’t want a burnt McNugget. Then I take one out of the box and cut it up for the dog. There was about ten times the normal amount of grease in the thing. Of course, I went ahead and ate them. Needless to say, they were disgusting. Not only were they greasy, but the grease was old. I think this is why Mrs. Awesome always tells me to stay away from McDonalds *sigh*.