Just Another Manic Monday

How often do you change your toothbrush? I change my toothbrush when it needs changing or when I go to the dentist. I guess that means every six months or so.

What is your favorite item of clothing to shop for? Socks. There's nothing to shopping for socks. You go in pick up the kind you want and off you go. Generally, I buy white socks so I don't even have to think about the color.

Do you use social media (Twitter, Facebook, etc.)? Which do you use most often? I have a Twitter account strictly for this blog, but I am horrible at updating it. I have no desire to have Facebook or any of those other social networking sites.

A Well Balanced Breakfast

This morning Mrs. Awesome decides to inform me that my version of a well balanced breakfast is in fact not a well balanced meal. Honestly, I was attempting to have a well balanced breakfast when I sat down to eat the following

That's right for breakfast I chose to have a Sprite and leftover breadsticks from the Olive Garden. I have to say it was damn good even in the nutritional value wasn't as high as it should've been. Mrs. Awesome continued by saying that I should have the same breakfast she was having with the children. I will admit that the breakfast they were eating this morning was very balanced.

Their main dish being a bowl of oatmeal, which I hate. I cannot stomach oatmeal for the life of me. I don't enjoy the texture. I honestly feel sick from the minute I put it in my mouth. On the side, they had a piece of toast, a few strawberries, and milk to drink. Mrs. Awesome always tries to start our children out with a decent breakfast so this is typical for them. She had almost convinced that I will be dying at an early age because of my poor eating habits when the Professor came to my rescue.

"You know what?" He began without even specifying who he was speaking to.

Mrs. Awesome took the bait, "What sweetie?" She asked him while still eating her oatmeal.

"Bacteria is getting in our food right now," he stated very matter of factualy.

By this time, I had finished eating my two breadsticks and told Mrs. Awesome, "This is why you don't eat a balanced breakfast. There is less time for bacteria to climb in your food."

Grab a Helmet; Take Cover

I've been without Internet for a few days. Well, I should rephrase that to without stable Internet since Saturday. I was not intentionally neglecting my blog again after barely restarting it. I've been holding on to this entry since then.

When you live in a small town, there's honestly not that much excitement. The excitement that there is revolves around who had lunch with who, which is published in the local paper on a weekly basis. People also always have the weather to discuss. On Saturday, the weather brought us something to talk about alright. We were placed under three separate tornado warnings or maybe one extremely long warning.

One of our local meteorologists is like a God to the people in my town. He was the only meteorologist to track a tornado that struck in the middle of the night almost seven years ago. This tornado was potentially dangerous and this man is credited with being part of the reason no one was killed during the storm despite it striking in the middle of the night. When severe weather is in the area, everyone in the area is tuned in on their television watching this man make his prediction as to when and where the storm will strike.

Mrs. Awesome and I were gathered around the TV listening to where the storm was located. After he said there was a tornado warning he proceeds to say, "If you have a bike helmet or even a football helmet put it on." I can't help put laugh at the thought of a family lined up on the couch wearing bike helmet's ready to be blown away.

Grandma’s Wisdom

Mrs. Awesome's grandmother phoned this evening. It is a rare occasion for her to phone so of course Mrs. Awesome felt the need to answer the phone. She chatted with her grandmother for quite awhile when I could tell the conversation had turned to the weather. I'm not 100% sure what the deal is with the elderly and talking about the weather, but it is a fact whenever you have an extended conversation with an old person they're going to talk to you about the weather. Mrs. Awesome told her grandmother that we were enjoying the warm weather and had our backdoor open letting some fresh air in. That's when her grandmother said, "Are you afraid a deer will run through the screen?" When Mrs. Awesome told me that story, I couldn't help but laugh. Never has that thought entered my mind just because we live in the country.

Chicken McNasty

I have been off work for two days with this mysterious illness and have had one blogworthy incident in the entire time. My friends let me tell you a little story.

Once upon time there was a man left home alone while suffering from a deadly mysterious illness. I, Captain Awesome, will be the first to admit that there are times that I develop what is known as a man cold. This time, however, the illness is different. Very different. I am actually sick. After spending several hours online yesterday morning, I decided it was time to break down and go purchase myself some Tylenol since I was out.

In the middle of nowhere, which is where I live, we have few choices on where we can go to buy things without driving a great distance. I chose to keep my trip short and visit the local Dollar General. I have to admit I harbor a hidden love for the Dollar General. It always seemed like everything in the store was cheap and I love cheap (obviously when you look at the cheap whore who mothered the Princess and the Joker). I go into the Dollar General and walk over to the medicine section. Much to my surprise, they are completely out of generic Tylenol. I’m no medicine snob and always buy the generic kind. They had regular Tylenol so I left with a box. It only cost me $6.50. Then I had to buy a new toothbrush because the doctor told me I needed to replace mine to prevent from reinfecting myself with the illness again. I thought it was a rather smart idea even though I had heard it a million times I had never actually done it. By the time I made a couple of other purchases I had spent $20 in the Dollar General store. I have decided that the Dollar General is not the place to go in hopes to save money.

Leaving the Dollar General I caught a glimpse of the golden arches sparkling in the sunlight from across the street.

The little devils were saying to me, “C’mon Captain Awesome you know you want to! Mrs. Awesome won’t even have to know about the greasiness you ingest.” To be honest with you, that’s all they had to say to me for me to wind up in the drive thru. Impulsiveness is one of this superhero’s weaknesses. Grease is the other.

I had already determined what I wanted to order long before I made it to the window. And it wasn’t the double filet o’ fish value meal suggested by the lady taking my order or that singing fish from TV. I had chosen to go with the Chicken McNugget value meal. I paid the lady and pulled up to the next window. They handed my food right out. I checked the order and everything seemed to be correct, so I headed back to my house.

I got home and sat down at the kitchen table after getting my dog a paper plate and a knife to cut up a couple of nuggets for him. I pulled out the French fries and they looked far from appetizing. They weren't that golden brown color of good French fries. They look as though they haven’t been cooked at all. Then I decided to eat one. Huge mistake. It left this nasty feeling in my mouth and was ice cold. I suspect they poured them straight from the freezer into my fry container maybe not, but close enough. I threw those directly in the garbage.

Then I open my wonderful McNuggets. I’m like a five year old when it comes to a McNuggets, I love them more than my first born. Looking at my McNuggets was one of the most disappointing experiences in my 25 years. You see, they were burnt and while I could handle a burnt French fry burnt nuggets are another story. I don’t want a burnt McNugget. Then I take one out of the box and cut it up for the dog. There was about ten times the normal amount of grease in the thing. Of course, I went ahead and ate them. Needless to say, they were disgusting. Not only were they greasy, but the grease was old. I think this is why Mrs. Awesome always tells me to stay away from McDonalds *sigh*.

Long time, no write

I haven't updated this blog since the beginning of December. To be honest with you, I don't have a real reason for no updating like I should. I suppose life just got hectic and my blog had to suffer.

Since I last wrote, I have started a new job teaching arts and humanities to kindergarten to eighth graders. Overall, I like the job, but dislike traveling between two schools. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I have a job at one school next school year. It'll make things easier for us.

Since I last wrote, I managed to knock Mrs. Awesome up on purpose. That's right, folks, we tried to have a baby for a couple of months and conceived the Turkey. The Turkey is due around Thanksgiving hence the name. We're excited, but are keeping it under wraps.

I'm feeling quite sick today. I went to the doctor and she said I have strep throat. I'm still deciding if I'm going to work tomorrow.

Thanksgiving Recaplet

The only way I know to describe my holiday weekend is stressful. It is to be expected when you have days and days of focusing on family. I’ll begin with Thanksgiving Day. We went to my mom’s and all of my siblings were there. I have twelve siblings so when you factor in their spouses and families it is an outrageous number of people. Besides the fact that one of my sisters is completely and utterly crazy, our Thanksgiving celebration with my family went well.

Mrs. Awesome and I were the drama creators for her extended family on her mother’s side (confusing right?). We refused to go to their Thanksgiving celebration. Mrs. Awesome had a falling out with her aunts about seven months ago now. Since then I think we’ve been around them maybe twice in that time. This is down to seeing them about two weekends a month. Now, we only visit her grandmother when we are certain none of her aunts are around. The aunts and the witch-in-law were spitting fire angry that we chose not to go. I’m sure they talked about us like we are the scum of the Earth, but I don’t really care.

I’ll skip ahead until Saturday because Friday wasn’t eventful at all. Saturday the witch-in-law was supposed to make Thanksgiving dinner for Mrs. Awesome and her siblings, but she woke up sick so it was decided to just put it on hold until this weekend. We went to see Santa Claus instead. We went to the mall first and stood in line until I was teetering on the door of insanity. Waiting to see Santa Claus with my kids is bad enough, but when every person in a 100 mile radius decides their child needs to see Santa Claus on the same day it’s awful. It is unbearable with all the screaming babies, tantrum throwing toddlers, whiney preschoolers, impatient kids, and tweens who are too cool for Santa. Finally, it was our turn. I thought things were going well until Mrs. Awesome sits The Rocker in Santa’s lap. The kid freaked out. Once he calmed down, the Jock held him for the freaking $20 picture and things went better.

After we met my brother and his family for dinner, we went to Wal-Mart only to discover they were doing pictures with Santa for free. The Joker was kind enough to say after they had visited with the Wal-Mart Santa, “That’s not the real Santa you know. I’m old enough to know the one at the mall is the real Santa.” The Princess then had to throw in her two cents that she’s pretty sure neither one of them are the real Santa only helpers, but The Joker would have none of that argument because we all know the mall Santa is the real deal. And for those of you who read my blog, we convinced The Joker to only tell Santa three things he wanted instead of taking the entire catalog. Then we mailed a letter in Macy’s for the rest of the things he wants.

Saturday night Mrs. Awesome’s sister calls freaking out. At first it sounded like she said something was wrong with witch-in-law, but once she calmed down enough we found out that one of their cousins passed away in his sleep. He was only 30 so it was shocking.

That basically sums up my weekend.