Thursday 13- Children’s Sayings

Coming up with a topic of my first Thursday 13 in a while was more difficult than I thought it would be. I came up with several ideas, but none of those seemed to be the right topic for me this week. I finally decided on sharing some children's sayings. Then it turned out to be harder than I thought as my memory stopped working after the first half. It just proves that I need to write this stuff down every day.

Visit the Thursday 13 to play!

1. The Professor shares a word of wisdom at breakfast, "Bacteria is getting in our food right now."
   
2. The Joker's sudden excitement over the Princess' birthday gift, "YOU GOT A 1 AND a 0! I LOVE THOSE MONEYS!"
   
3. One night we had salads with dinner, which is one of the Joker's favorite foods. Before he brushed his teeth and all that stuff to go to bed he was munching on croutons from the package. Mrs. Awesome told him, "You smell like a crouton." He responded, "I'd rather be a bacon bit."
   
4. On a cold winter's night the Daredevil says, "I cold. I need a Snuggie."
   
5. One Saturday before Christmas Wal-Mart had a Santa in their garden center. Since we were there we took the kids to see Santa. When we were finished the Joker says, "That's not the real Santa you know. I'm old enough to know the real Santa is the one at the mall."
   
6. Along the same lines, the Joker explained the reason he couldn't see the Santa at the mall on one particular day we were there, "Dad I don't have my catalog!"
   
7. The Joker's attempt to eat an ice cream cone in the summer led to the following exclamation, "My ice cream is leaking everywhere!"
   
8. The Rocker (keep in mind he's two) asks me, "Can you just give me some space?"
   
9. When the Princess was 18 months to 2 years old she was a big talker. Actually she still is a big talker. One particular day she looked into a bucket that held some tomatoes and says, "Hello Mr. Tomato! How are you doing today?"
   
10. The Joker has his first loose tooth. He explained to the twins what this loose tooth means to him, "I'm going to get about 20 dollars for this tooth! I'll be rich!"
    
11. The Princess wrote her first short story at school. She was very proud and said, "It's about a horse turning into a Pegasus." I found this funny because I believe Pegasus is a single horse not something horses turn into.
    
12. Today the Rocker asked, "What's an odor?"
    
13. The Joker was playing with a stuffed monkey and said, "Oh no my baby has turned into a monkey! You know why? He drank monkey juice." The Daredevil says, "Oh bother."

A Well Balanced Breakfast

This morning Mrs. Awesome decides to inform me that my version of a well balanced breakfast is in fact not a well balanced meal. Honestly, I was attempting to have a well balanced breakfast when I sat down to eat the following

That's right for breakfast I chose to have a Sprite and leftover breadsticks from the Olive Garden. I have to say it was damn good even in the nutritional value wasn't as high as it should've been. Mrs. Awesome continued by saying that I should have the same breakfast she was having with the children. I will admit that the breakfast they were eating this morning was very balanced.

Their main dish being a bowl of oatmeal, which I hate. I cannot stomach oatmeal for the life of me. I don't enjoy the texture. I honestly feel sick from the minute I put it in my mouth. On the side, they had a piece of toast, a few strawberries, and milk to drink. Mrs. Awesome always tries to start our children out with a decent breakfast so this is typical for them. She had almost convinced that I will be dying at an early age because of my poor eating habits when the Professor came to my rescue.

"You know what?" He began without even specifying who he was speaking to.

Mrs. Awesome took the bait, "What sweetie?" She asked him while still eating her oatmeal.

"Bacteria is getting in our food right now," he stated very matter of factualy.

By this time, I had finished eating my two breadsticks and told Mrs. Awesome, "This is why you don't eat a balanced breakfast. There is less time for bacteria to climb in your food."

Weekend Randomness

Friday afternoon the Jock and I accompanied Mrs. Awesome on her quest to spend two hours of her life lusting over an immortal vampire. Mrs. Awesome would love to trade in her awesomeness to become a Cullen. For those of you who have been living under rocks I am talking about Twilight. Mrs. Awesome adores the series. I have read it and don’t dislike it, but have no love for Edward Cullen. The Jock read the first book and has started the second, so we went with her. It wasn’t a bad movie nor was it a wonderful film. It falls somewhere in between on the scale.

Today (Saturday) the Jock, the Princess, and the Joker had basketball games at the local high school. It was an organized event that lasted most of the afternoon. The Jock scored 8 points even though his team lost. The Princess’ team won without much help from her. They don’t keep score in the Joker’s league. I guess they think that a little friendly competition isn’t good for five year olds. I think that they should, but you’ll be surprised to know that no one asked my opinion when they came up with the league rules.

After we left the games we went to Red Lobster. I was amazed by my children’s behavior and no because they were bad. They were all very well behaved. Two elderly women came up and complimented them. It makes you feel good when your offspring don’t act like a bunch of heathens in public.

Later in the mall, Mrs. Awesome stayed inside a store purchasing some items while I took the children out into the center of the mall. We were right beside Santa Claus who wasn’t busy at all. The kids all waved at him, but wouldn’t be able to have their official business because their clothes weren’t up to par with Mrs. Awesome’s standards. I gave the children permission to go say hello to Santa. The Joker just wouldn’t go over to him. I asked him what was going on. He said, “I can’t see Santa. I don’t have my catalog.” Yeah he wants to take the big toy book where he has circled every item with him when he sees Santa. Mrs. Awesome thinks he just wants to be sure Santa gets it right.

-Captain Awesome

Crisscross Applesauce

The Joker is by far the most difficult of all the Awesome children. In all the trials the Joker puts me through I have to say that it keeps my life interesting. Let’s examine the happenings of yesterday afternoon.

After school, I had a few minutes with the children before I had to rush off to class. The Joker was eager to share his day with me. As a kindergartener, he hasn’t grown into the simple “Fine,” answer when asked how his day went. During his sharing he asked me, “Can you sit crisscross applesauce on the floor?”

For those without their own munchkins, this is sitting Indian style on the floor. I responded, “Yes, why?”

“Because you’re old and Mrs. C is young,” he said. Mrs. C is his kindergarten teacher whom he orders.

“Mrs. C is older than me,” I told him.

“No Dad, she doesn’t have kids,” he ended.

At least he realizes that having children has made me old.

-Captain Awesome