Thursday Thirteen #1

I honor of Mrs. Awesome’s love for Edward Cullen I have chosen to create my first Thursday Thirteen on this blog with a Twilight theme. Without further ado I bring you

13 Things I Can Do That Edward Cullen Can’t

1. Taste food. All human food Edward eats tastes like dirt to him. I, Captain Awesome, can actually taste the food I put in my mouth.
2. Go out in the sun. As a human, I can go out in the sun without my skin sparkling like diamonds. Off topic, but who has ever heard of a sparkling vampire anyway?
3. Go to La Push. Not that I have an overwhelming desire to travel to Washington State to the reservation La Push and visit the beach, but if I wanted to I could.
4. Have sex without causing bodily harm to my partner. There are no torn pillows, bruises, etc here although that doesn’t sound half bad…
5. Sweat. Vampires are always cold but I can get hot and sweat.
6. Age. Who really wants to be 17 forever?
7. Get a speeding ticket. Sadly, I’m not equipped with a built in radar detector to avoid getting a speeding ticket. I think I should be.
8. Sleep. I’m able to kill 6 to 8 hours a night in dream land.
9. Make a mistake. Edward is far too perfect for mistakes or his ego is too big to admit it. Actually, I think that applies to me too…
10. Go into a crowded room and not hear people’s thoughts. Reading minds could come in handy at times, but for the most part no one would want to do it all the time. Thankfully I don’t have this gift.
11. Die of old age. Poor Edward can only die if someone rips his head off and burns him.
12. Live in one place my entire life. There’s no reason for me to move because I’m not aging.
13. Be Captain Awesome. Self explanatory.

Weekend Randomness

Friday afternoon the Jock and I accompanied Mrs. Awesome on her quest to spend two hours of her life lusting over an immortal vampire. Mrs. Awesome would love to trade in her awesomeness to become a Cullen. For those of you who have been living under rocks I am talking about Twilight. Mrs. Awesome adores the series. I have read it and don’t dislike it, but have no love for Edward Cullen. The Jock read the first book and has started the second, so we went with her. It wasn’t a bad movie nor was it a wonderful film. It falls somewhere in between on the scale.

Today (Saturday) the Jock, the Princess, and the Joker had basketball games at the local high school. It was an organized event that lasted most of the afternoon. The Jock scored 8 points even though his team lost. The Princess’ team won without much help from her. They don’t keep score in the Joker’s league. I guess they think that a little friendly competition isn’t good for five year olds. I think that they should, but you’ll be surprised to know that no one asked my opinion when they came up with the league rules.

After we left the games we went to Red Lobster. I was amazed by my children’s behavior and no because they were bad. They were all very well behaved. Two elderly women came up and complimented them. It makes you feel good when your offspring don’t act like a bunch of heathens in public.

Later in the mall, Mrs. Awesome stayed inside a store purchasing some items while I took the children out into the center of the mall. We were right beside Santa Claus who wasn’t busy at all. The kids all waved at him, but wouldn’t be able to have their official business because their clothes weren’t up to par with Mrs. Awesome’s standards. I gave the children permission to go say hello to Santa. The Joker just wouldn’t go over to him. I asked him what was going on. He said, “I can’t see Santa. I don’t have my catalog.” Yeah he wants to take the big toy book where he has circled every item with him when he sees Santa. Mrs. Awesome thinks he just wants to be sure Santa gets it right.

-Captain Awesome