The Dreaded First

Blogging isn't something that's new to me. I've blogged for years; however, this is a new blog so I have to write a first entry. I hate first entries because I don't feel like you actually get to know the person who has written it.

My name is Captain Awesome and though my name suggests that I’m awesome in reality I view myself as far from awesome. Many say I’m wise beyond my 24 years. This, of course, could be a nice way of saying I’m a huge loser. I’m not a loser…I am a father.

In 2001, at ripe old age of 17, I became a dad to a beautiful baby girl Princess. Princess’ mother was in and out of our lives from the beginning. That year my little brother became ill and passed away in March 2002 (No, it’s not something I want to talk about, but feel that it should be stated because in many ways his death shaped the man I am today.). After his death, I concluded that we (my family and I) had been blessed to have Princess to help us come to terms with our loss because Princess was a baby who needed our attention.

In 2003, Princess’ mother and I welcome the Joker to the world. Shortly after his birth (within days), their mother and I reached the mutual decision that we weren’t meant to be as a couple. She also concluded she wasn’t mother material. To this day, I feel sorry for her because Princess and the Joker are amazing children and she is missing out on the love that they give to my wife and me every day.

I’m sure you all know that a 19 year old boy raising two children on his own is beyond difficult. This is when Mrs. Awesome and the Jock went from friends to family. Mrs. Awesome and I became roommates to help each other with our young children. Slowly, our relationship grew romantically and by the end of the year Mrs. Awesome and I were a couple.

The rockiest part of my relationship with Mrs. Awesome was the year of 2005. She became unexpectedly pregnant and I became a jerk who did not want to step up to the responsibility of another child. About the time I started coming around to the idea of another child, Mrs. Awesome had a miscarriage which devastated her. I blamed myself and have always believed that to a certain extent she blamed my crappy attitude for the loss of our baby.

Later the same year, a DNA test confirmed that a short fling had resulted in the conception of Professor Awesome. Mrs. Awesome had trouble accepting the Professor into our lives at first, but came around rather quickly. We set to work building a relationship with a three year old boy we didn’t know.

In November 2005, we decided to try and conceive a baby. I was blessed with the power of super sperm and managed to be successful on our first attempt at trying. Later we learned not only were we expecting, but we were expecting twins. Mrs. Awesome and I after being engaged since Christmas 2004 decided to get married in May 2006 prior to the birth of our twins. On July 1st, 2006, we welcomed the Rocker and the Daredevil into our family.

My arch enemy is depression. I’ve battled depression my entire adult life. I have attempted suicide on multiple occasions and on one attempt landed myself in psychiatric ward of the hospital. My struggle with depression is worse at certain times than at others. I have a degree in elementary education, but cannot find a job in my area in the field. I substitute teach instead, which causes me to feel like I am unable to support my family. This makes the depression worse. I am being treated for depression, but do have an occasional bad day(s).

It is important for you to know that all six of our children live with Mrs. Awesome and me. The Jock’s father sporadically visits him and actually sees the Jock less than he likes because many times the Jock doesn’t want to go with him. Princess and the Jokers’ mother has not laid eyes on them in over a year. The Professor was taken away from his mother by social services and now stays with us. He sees his mother on Friday afternoons for a couple of hours and spends an occasional overnight there, but for the most part is with us.

The Professor has a form of autism called Asperger’s Syndrome (AS). This helped me to settle on working on my master’s degree in special education. I love working with children with autism and other special needs. I think that it is my true calling.

I am Captain Awesome, a super hero, whose arch enemy is depression and super power is super sperm. I am me.

Captain Awesome